You.... Know...

Ode to autumn...
Not of my life...

Only dreams and déjà vu...
Not exciting... Not dull...
Totally did best to listen....
A voice smarter than mine....
Just enough? In the right way? Whatever....
Came home...bdropped stuff off....
Also...
Drank a beer... Or two... Haha...
Smoke a bowl...
Put away stuff...
So made it to her house...
Gave her a beer and smoke...
Came home bout 9 to cook...
Because I do not want to be a not good mum...
Good and thank you....
Sometimes I want something....
I can only imagine more of....
Maybe uno mas.... Dos... Tres mas.... Mas...
It doesn't matter though...
Not sure I'm an okay person...
Desire... Open... Sky... Field...
Ain't it all daisies, doc?
Happy, shiny, clown face...
In need... Of weed... Again... Already...
Right now... Right now....
Bite me... Head bunt.... Fucker....
Because.... I feel it... Good...
Maybe bad... I smile... For bit....
With you.... Then...
Obligated to people...
Don't know how...
Just feel a want to....
Then all of a sudden... All of a sudden...
How I always feel this time of year....
Refuse to do anything... Out... Go out... No...
Spend a lot of time solo... Only... Me....
Because I only trust me....
Why is that?
Just do what I fucking want?
Fear... Hope... Fear.... Disappointment....
Even if you know I know....
I understand and know...
What if I don't mind?
It could be okay with me...
All have a sickness...
Some have compound, multilevel illness....
Me? Disordered... Out of order....
Obviously.... Obsanely so...
Timing means nothing....
Not anymore... Random spontaneity...
With you... Understand?
Want to let specifically you in....
A little chaos.... Not really....
Okay... But not really....
Some sadness....
Some joy as never seen....
Comfort bring us home....
Comfort takes us out....
Something in my bubble.... Ur bubble...
Alone because....
I want what I said...
Why can't they?
Let me go....
Will always be there....
Best as they.... When we can...
Let me on the journey....
Not just some girl....
Worth something.... Not much... But really...
Take this on.... Try me... I want...
Oh, to feel, taste, smell, see....
Sensory.... And more... And farther....
All doomed to something...
None can escape truth....
My truth can be a lie... To you.... Not me...
I walk home in the mud...
Having a thousand lonely husbands....
Some crazy soldiers.... Have gone by too...
Only to say happy birthday.... Xmas.... St. Patrick's...
Sometime... Or another....
Some do in a quiet way...
Go ahead, moon....
Laughing is great...
So..... We go.....
Family... Friends... Loved ones....
Everybody moves on....
I bask in the rain... The mud.... The chill....
To be okay... Human.... Creature....
Thinking... Breathing... Sharing....
I touch truths that are not mine....
Liking them.... So much... Because...
They are...
So mine....
Yet knowing what...
Because momma said...
Do it... You must...
So now here... Nowhere...
Only one solo....
On a ball in space.... In time...
Knowing the trust reluctantly....
As you are, as well...
Unwilling... Straining.... Striving....
Not really.... But okay....
Because it all comes easy....
Human creature.... Divine primate....
Death... Birth... Death.... Birth... Death....
Please, come and hold a shell...
To let it fill up...
Elemental elements....
Blending into nothingness....somethingness....
Wanting... Skull... Eyes... Hands.... Feet (even ugly)....
Speak to me.... Tell me to... Be quiet....
I need to hear... You may have a piece....
Pieces of it... All...
Truth.... Is truth.... Is a lie.... Is truth....
More than you know...
I feel left behind... But on track...
Take me on just a little...
Letting in more and more....
Making me want more....
Raw... Honest... Rough... Real....